I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
