I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
