TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
