You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We are two peas in an std pod
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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