every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
