I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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