im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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