I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
