My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Alive.
So much puke
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
