it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
