Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
