I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
