Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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