NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
