hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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