just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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