I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
