Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
