i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
