im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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