I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
