break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
