Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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