Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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