got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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