I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
