I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
