And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
