Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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