I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
