Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
