it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
