I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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