Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
