The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
