I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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