I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize