is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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