You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize