No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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