Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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