How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
