So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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