K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
