sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
