I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
