Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
