her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's shark week go big or go home
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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