I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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