i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
