The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
All the doctor said was why
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
