Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
