I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize