Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize