My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
NoShamevember. You game?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
