And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
