i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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