Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
