Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
