Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
