she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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