The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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