he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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