he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize