alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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