Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
