Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize