I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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